Our Lesbian Same-Sex Articles
How to Tell Your Lesbian Lover No
If you are on a fabulous date. or have just
begun a wonderful new relationship, then telling your new girlfriend 'no'
may be something that you have trouble with. There are many women that are
just unable to say no to their friends, family, or love interests.
An even fewer amount of women have this problem with everyone, even strangers.
Sometimes telling someone no is necessary. While you think that not
agreeing to do what someone wants will cause a problem, in many cases you
will find exactly the opposite to be true. Telling someone yes, when
you really want to tell them no, causes more problems in the long
run then you would want to believe! ... Such as resentment, bitterness, anger,
and loss of self-respect - just to name a 'few'. The goal of any
relationship is honesty. If you feel uncomfortable doing something, or you
just are lacking the time or energy, then you should say so. If you need
some help learning how to be more assertive you can find some tips below.
Practice Makes Perfect
When you are home alone practice being assertive
by considering situations in which you may have to explain you do not agree,
or will not be able to do whatever is being asked of you. You might do this
by imagining your girlfriend saying she wanted to see other people with your
consent. Stand in front of the mirror and explain to her why you do not agree
this is a good idea. You could use anything for this of course, that is just
one idea. Returning merchandise to a store, or sending food back in a restaurant
, are a couple of other ways of practicing your
Admit Your Feelings
This exercise is specifically for when you are
in public and dealing with customer service employers. If you cannot be assertive
enough to tell a stranger how you feel, then you cannot expect to tell your
girlfriend how you feel, either. So, start by being more assertive in public
to build your confidence, so, when you do have to be assertive with how you
feel (in your relationship) then you will know exactly how to do this.
If you are not happy with your service, end
up with your order being processed wrong, or have questions about your service
then you should voice these concerns. Try not to stumble over your words,
or apologize for your feelings. Make things simple. If your hamburger is
made wrong tell them it is wrong and request a new one, or if you don't
understand why your car insurance is through the roof request that they explain
it to you, or recheck their own records for possible mistakes or errors.
The quickest way to get cheated in any type of setting is to just go with
the flow without looking out for your own interests.
Be Honest With Your Partner
Most women are concerned with having a relationship
that includes sharing and intimacy. Tell your potential partner that you
have a hard time voicing your opinion, or telling people no. You want
to be able to look out for yourself, but it can be hard - especially if you
think people need or want something from you. With her help and understanding
you can find a way to beat this problem. Ask her to help you by nudging you
along when you say no to someone else, and ask her for her understanding
if you have to say it to her. Explain to her that, even though you are giving
and would not want to deny her anything, that you may have to say no
but that you don't want that to affect your relationship in any way.
It is important to remember that if she has
a problem with you saying no that it speaks volumes about her - volumes
that you need to hear. You deserve to be with someone that cares about your
feelings and wellbeing, and who would never purposely place you in such an
awkward position to begin with. If you say you cannot do something because
it makes you uncomfortable your lover should understand and support your
decision. If she doesn't then you may want to talk about why things are
the way they are. If you find that your lover will not be happy in a situation
where you disagree with her - no matter what the topic is - then you might
want to cut your losses and find a new lover. Relationships are about compromise,
acceptance, and understanding. If your lover is more worried about her own
needs, and less about yours, then it's time to stop worrying about protecting
your own interests with her and instead learn to tell her you don't think
your relationship is going to work out.